Goodbye 2014-2015!

Saturday night, we closed Anything Goes and the 2014-2015 season…!

This was a good, but strange season for me.  On one hand, I worked on five completely different shows, worked with some truly fantastic humans, and I had the good fortune to spread my wings and do some stuff that veered nicely off my normal props path.  It was really fantastic to try new things – something I am definitely taking into the next season.

But on the other hand, it was probably the most emotionally draining season I have had thus far.  I attribute this mostly to acting as Producer on two back-to-back shows. Now don’t get me wrong, both of those shows were amazing and I am EXTREMELY proud of my teams and the cast, crew and orchestras for each – the people on each of those shows have a very special place in my teeny Grinch heart (read: You are all fucking awesome!)

Each show taught a great deal about what a Producer should and should not do.  There were some successes and some definite failures on my part. But I am still very much a newbie Producer who was pretty much winging it. Ok, well, that’s not entirely true. Without my unrelenting barrage of questions and harassment the guidance of DS and JZ, I am pretty sure both shows would have been epic disasters. (Thanks, boys!)  That was definitely a saving grace for me.  I won’t admit this to either of their faces, but they are good mentors.  😉

At any rate, I might not be an awesome Producer right now, but I know that I have the potential – so that’s something.

Still, the back-to-back thing almost killed me.  I feel like I have been producing forever.  I know that being a Producer is probably not the most exciting role someone can take on in theatre – you aren’t a performer, you aren’t making rad things, you aren’t guiding the creative on the show.  You are basically the general manager, administrator, and sometimes referee of a giant multi-headed beast that attracts some very passionate (sometimes too passionate) people. I joke about my motto, Producing: Like Herding Cats With a Laser Pointer, but it really is very accurate.  Then add in the fact that I am a person who gets very invested in the shows I work on so I tend to put my everything into it – even when I should pull my shit back.

With this producing stuff, it is probably 200% worse because I am responsible for making sure the show is on track, on budget (or sometimes not… [sigh]), and the teams are doing what they need to do to get the show open, ran and closed.  Given my propensities, there is a lot of worrying that goes into a show. A LOT of worrying. Too much worrying, frankly.  A constant heightened state like this really can fuck up a girl’s brain and emotional equilibrium.

Being in this state for pretty much a half of a year*, well, by the end of it, I was emotionally drained, raw, and not doing the best job I possibly could do.  I made dumb mistakes and I was totally off balance. Thankfully,  neither show suffered because of it – they are bigger than me.  But hindsight is 20/20 and there are a whole bunch of things I would have done differently – done better – especially when dealing with other humans.  There are days that I am not as diplomatic as I could be. My mouth can really get me into trouble. A lack of filter can be a problem.  Sometimes I have a hard time seeing things from other people’s perspective. I am not very sensitive. It’s the selfish part of me.  But I am trying.  Having to manage humans  – especially passionate theatre humans – is certainly helping me be better(ish).

Still, in the light of a new day, I will try not to dwell on any of my failings or beat myself up like I would normally do.  They happened and I have an opportunity to learn from them.   That’s the best thing I could possibly take away from any of my experiences this season.  It’s all about learning, yo.

Now as we head into July, I am already looking towards next season (hell, I even have a set meeting for Drood tonight!) I am doing a lot of different things next season. But I am kicking this Producer can again.

I mean, like with anything, you can only get better with practice, right?

*Ah. Strike Party revelations at 5:30 am.

say something?

  • Karen

    I love the honesty in this post! What a great successful year for you from an inner growth perspective for sure. What I love is that you know exactly who you are so you can utilize your strengths and learn how to control or stop your weaknesses from getting in the way of you becoming and growing into an even better person than you already are. I can’t wait to see what challenges you have created for yourself for next season.

  • Shannon

    Personally, you are one of the major reasons I stayed on board when I was sure 1) Many People Hated Me, and 2) I Suck At Makeup and People Skills. You are real and awesome.